That Text You're Drafting Right Now? The One Where You're Apologising for Something That Isn't Your Fault? Delete It.

Picture this: It's 11pm on a Tuesday. You're lying in bed, chest tight with anxiety, replaying today's meeting where you agreed to take on another project you don’t have the capacity for. Again. Your own deadlines are screaming, your kids barely saw you this week, and that yoga class you promised yourself? A distant memory. Yet here you are, mentally rehearsing tomorrow's apology for not having the work done perfectly.

Sound familiar? Welcome to the exhausting world of people-pleasing – the silent epidemic that's literally making us sick in 2025.

The Hidden Cost of Being Everyone's Favourite

Here's a shocking truth: chronic people-pleasing activates the same stress pathways in your brain as being chased by a predator. Except instead of a lion, it's Rachel from accounts asking if you can "just quickly" take a look at her numbers. And unlike our ancestors who ran from danger then relaxed, we're stuck in perpetual flight mode, drowning in cortisol while smiling through gritted teeth.

The body keeps score, and yours is tallying up:

• Chronic inflammation from sustained stress

• Disrupted sleep patterns (hello, 3am worry sessions)

• Digestive issues that no amount of probiotics can fix

• Tension headaches that feel like a vice grip

• That mysterious back pain that appeared from nowhere

But here's what nobody tells you: people-pleasing isn't kindness. It's fear wearing a helpful costume.

The Childhood Blueprint You Never Asked For

I’ll hold your hand while I say this. People-pleasers aren't born; they're made. Usually in homes where love felt conditional, where anger was dangerous, or where being "good" meant being invisible.

Perhaps you were the child who learned to read the room before you could read books. The one who knew mummy's mood by her footsteps on the stairs. The peacekeeper. The fixer. The human emotional barometer who could predict storms before they arrived.

"What do they need from me?" became your survival mantra, replacing "What do I need?" before you even knew there was a difference.

The Plot Twist: Your Helpfulness Is Creating Helplessness

Here's the uncomfortable truth that might sting: your overgiving isn't just hurting you – it's infantilising everyone around you. When you constantly rescue, fix, and accommodate, you're sending a subliminal message: "You can't handle this without me."

Think about it. How many times have you:

• Completed someone's work because it was "easier" than explaining?

• Said yes to plans you dreaded, then silently seethed through them?

• Apologised for having needs, prefacing requests with "Sorry to bother you, but..."?

• Felt personally responsible for everyone's emotions?

Each time, you're not just betraying yourself – you're robbing others of their growth opportunities. It's like doing your teenager's homework; helpful today, harmful tomorrow.

The Revolutionary Act of Disappointing People

What if I told you that disappointing people is not only acceptable but necessary for authentic connection? That your worth isn't measured in how many fires you extinguish or problems you solve?

Dr Gabor Maté puts it brilliantly: "When we're not able to say no, our body says it for us." Those migraines, that burnout, the mysterious illnesses that force you to rest? That's your body staging an intervention because your mouth won't.

The Micro-Revolution Starts Now

Forget the grand gestures. We're not asking you to suddenly become someone who sets boundaries that become walls. Instead, we're talking about tiny acts of rebellion that rewire decades of programming.

Week One: The Pause Practice

Before answering any request, take a breath. Count to three. This microscopic pause is revolutionary for a nervous system trained to instant compliance.

Week Two: The Delay Technique 

"Let me check my calendar and get back to you." Use this phrase liberally. It's not rude; it's responsible.

Week Three: The Authenticity Experiment 

Once daily, state an actual preference:

• "Actually, I'd prefer Thai food."

• "I need five minutes to myself."

• "That doesn't work for me."

Small? Yes. Transformative? Absolutely.

The Body Boundary Practice That Changes Everything

Stand up right now. Yes, really. Extend your arms in front of you, palms facing outward. Take a deep breath. Say out loud (whisper if you must): "This is me. That is you. I am allowed to choose."

Feel silly? Good. That discomfort is old programming dissolving. Your nervous system is learning something new: separation is safe.

Practice this daily. Let your body learn what your mind struggles to believe – that you're allowed to take up space, have edges, exist as a whole person rather than a human Swiss Army knife for everyone else's convenience.

The Permission Slip You've Been Waiting For

Here it is: You are allowed to be inconvenient. You're allowed to have needs that make others uncomfortable. You're allowed to prioritise your wellbeing over someone else's convenience. You're allowed to let people experience the natural consequences of their choices without swooping in to save them.

Most importantly? You're allowed to disappoint people and still be worthy of love.

The Guilt Is the Growth

When you start setting boundaries, guilt will arrive like an unwelcome house guest. Perfect. That guilt isn't a stop sign; it's confirmation you're rewiring old patterns.

The goal isn't to eliminate guilt – it's to feel it without obeying it. Like learning to sit with a crying baby without immediately picking them up. The discomfort is temporary; the freedom is permanent.

Your Relationships Will Transform (Warning: Not Everyone Will Like It)

As you stop overgiving, something magical happens. The energy vampires disappear. The people who valued your giving more than your being will find new supplies. And in their place? Genuine connections with people who want you, not your services.

Yes, some relationships will end. Consider it quality control. The ones that survive your boundaries are the ones worth keeping.

The Call to Your True Self

Can you imagine waking up without the weight of everyone else's expectations crushing your chest? Picture saying no without a ten-minute explanation. Envision relationships where you're loved for who you are, not what you provide.

This isn't fantasy. This is what awaits on the other side of people-pleasing.

But here's the thing: you can't think your way out of this. You can't read enough articles or watch enough videos. People-pleasing is a full-body pattern that requires full-body healing. It needs someone who understands the intricate dance between your nervous system, your childhood programming, and your current patterns.

Ready to stop being everything to everyone and start being something to yourself?

This is your invitation to revolutionary self-care. Not the bubble-bath kind (though those are lovely), but the deep, cellular-level transformation that happens when you finally choose yourself.

I'm Nicola McAdam, and I've guided hundreds of chronic people-pleasers from exhaustion to authenticity. Through a unique blend of therapeutic wisdom and holistic life coaching, we'll unravel the patterns keeping you stuck and build the boundaries that set you free.

Your overgiving era is over. Your authentic life is waiting.

Book your breakthrough session here – because the world needs you whole, not helpful.

P.S. That text you're still drafting? The one with three apologies for something that isn't your fault? Delete it. Send this instead: "Thanks for thinking of me. That won't work for me." Then put your phone down and breathe. You've just taken your first step towards freedom.