How 10-Year-Old You Is Running the Show

Picture this: You're crushing it at work, smashing deadlines, exceeding targets and collecting accolades like Pokémon cards. Yet at 2am, you're lying wide awake, secretly terrified that your colleagues are plotting to fire you. Sound familiar? Here's the plot twist: That relentless drive isn't coming from your ambitious adult self. It's a frightened 10-year-old desperately trying to prove they're worthy of love.

The Boardroom Ghost: When Your Inner Child Becomes The Leader

Elizabeth is the definition of success. Partner at a prestigious law firm by 35, penthouse flat in a swanky part of town, and a glowing CV. Yet during our first session, she broke down completely. "I feel like I'm drowning,". "No matter what I achieve, it's never enough. I'm exhausted."

What Elizabeth didn't realise was that her adult achievements were being orchestrated by the younger version of herself.  A small child who'd internalised a dangerous message decades ago: You're only lovable when you're perfect.

This internalised messaging doesn’t have to come from trauma, and there’s very often no malicious intent when critical messages are received from caregivers. It’s how we respond to them. Internalised messages received in childhood often run the show for an entire lifetime. 

When childhood wounds go unhealed, that child state doesn't just influence our decisions; it hijacks the entire operation. Your inner 10-year-old isn't just along for the ride - they're clutching the steering wheel with white knuckles, convinced that if they slow down for even a second, everything will fall apart.

The Script You Never Auditioned For

Think back to your childhood dinner table. What happened when you brought home that 92% on your maths test? Did your parents celebrate, or did they ask about the missing 8%? These moments might seem completely insignificant now, but they're the invisible directors of your adult life.

According to Dr. Claude Steiner, we develop "life scripts" before age seven. These scripts are unconscious blueprints that dictate how we believe life should unfold. For high achievers, these scripts often read like this:

• "I must work harder than everyone else to be worthy"

• "Mistakes are catastrophic and unforgivable"

• "Rest is laziness, and laziness is shameful"

• "I'm only valuable when I'm productive"

These aren't conscious thoughts. They're programmes running in the background, installed by a child trying to make sense of an overwhelming world.

The Achievement Addiction

Here's what's actually happening in your body when your inner child runs the show:

Your Nervous System is Hijacked: Your 10-year-old self doesn't understand spreadsheets or KPIs. They only understand survival. When they sense "danger" (a critical email, a missed deadline, a colleague's negative comment), they flood your system with cortisol and adrenaline. You're suddenly not managing a work project; you're fighting for your life.

In Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's book The Body Keeps the Score, he demonstrates that childhood experiences literally reshape our nervous systems. That constant state of hypervigilance? That's your inner child standing guard, forever aged 10, forever waiting for the other shoe to drop.

A Shame-Achievement Cycle is Created: Perfectionism isn't about healthy achievement, it's about avoiding shame. Every accomplishment becomes a temporary band-aid on a wound that never heals. You achieve, feel relief for a brief period, then the shame creeps back, whispering: "But what about tomorrow?"

Have you ever noticed how quickly the high from an achievement fades? How that promotion you worked years for felt hollow after a week as you returned to baseline?

The Hidden Cost of Letting a Child Run Your Life

When was the last time you truly relaxed without guilt? If you're struggling to remember, you're not alone. 73% of high achievers report feeling "psychologically unsafe" when not working. Let that sink in. Three-quarters of successful professionals feel threatened by rest.

This isn't sustainable, and your body knows it even if your mind doesn't. It can lead to:

• Chronic inflammation from perpetual stress mode

• A Compromised immune function (How many times have you got ill the moment you broke up for the Christmas holidays?)

• Disrupted sleep patterns that no amount of sleep can fix

• Relationship issues because intimacy requires vulnerability, and your inner child learned vulnerability equals danger

Meeting Your Inner Child 

A lot of business people I work with roll their eyes when I mention the concept of Inner child work. They are pragmatists. But as with all of the 1:1 work we do at my corporate wellbeing company, MindVibes, it’s evidence-based: connecting with your inner child isn't woo-woo nonsense. It's neuroscience. Acknowledging and integrating these younger parts of ourselves literally rewires our brains. It's called "earned security".

The First Step: The Timeline Technique

Ready to meet the real Director of your life? Try this:

Step 1: The Achievement Timeline Draw a line representing your life from birth to now. Mark your major achievements. Now, here's the crucial part: Next to each achievement, write how old you felt inside when you accomplished it. Not your chronological age - your emotional age.

Elizabeth discovered something shocking: At every major milestone, she felt exactly 10 years old. The age she was when she came last in a swimming competition, and she decided if she could "do better," she would feel worthy. 

Step 2: The Dialogue Find a photo of yourself at the age you identified. Look at that child. Really look. What would you tell them? What do they need to hear?

Write them a letter. Tell them:

• They're already enough

• They don't need to earn love

• Making mistakes is human, not catastrophic

• Rest is not abandonment

Step 3: The Daily Check-In Each morning, ask yourself: "How old do I feel right now?" If the answer is anything less than your actual age, pause. Breathe. Remind yourself that the adult you is capable of handling whatever comes. The child can rest.

The Science-Backed Benefits of Healing Your Inner Child

This isn't just feel-good psychology. The evidence is there:

• Reduced cortisol levels: A 2023 study in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research found that inner child work reduced cortisol by an average of 31% over 12 weeks

• Improved decision-making: When you're not operating from childhood fear, your prefrontal cortex - the rational, strategic part of your brain comes back online

• Enhanced creativity: Google's "Psychological Safety" research found that employees who felt safe to be imperfect were 47% more innovative

• Authentic confidence: Unlike achievement-based confidence (fragile and temporary), healing your inner child creates what we call unconditional self-regard in the therapeutic world. Worth that can't be shaken by external circumstances

The Boardroom Breakthrough

Remember Elizabeth? Six months into our work together, something remarkable happened. She was in a crucial client meeting when her proposal was harshly criticised. The old Elizabeth would have either crumbled or gone into overdrive, working through the night to prove her worth.

Instead, she felt that familiar flutter of her 10-year-old self panicking. She excused herself to the loo, looked in the mirror, and literally whispered: "I've got this. You're safe. Let me handle it."

She returned to the meeting, calmly acknowledged the feedback, and suggested collaborative solutions. The client was impressed. More importantly, she went home early and actually enjoyed dinner with her partner guilt-free.

Success is Supposed to Feel Good

If your achievements feel like a prison or if you're exhausted by your own excellence, you're not broken. You're just letting the wrong person run the show.

That scared, shame-carrying child inside you has done an incredible job keeping you safe. They've pushed you to heights most people only dream of. But they're tired. They've been working overtime for decades. Maybe it's time to let them be what they always should have been: a child who knows they're enough, and loved exactly as they are.

Gabor Maté puts it beautifully "The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain." Your workaholism isn't healing your childhood wounds - it's preserving them. Keeping them fresh and raw beneath multiple layers of achievement.

Your Next Move (The One That Actually Matters)

You have two choices. You can close this article, push down that uncomfortable feeling stirring in your chest, and return to the treadmill. Your inner child will keep running, you'll keep achieving, and nothing will change except the date on your clinical burnout.

Or you can take the first terrifyingly liberating step toward genuine healing. You can acknowledge that beneath your polished exterior, the version of yourself you present to the world is a little girl or boy who's been running a marathon they never signed up for. 

Maybe it’s time to finally give them permission to rest.

Ready to stop letting your 10-year-old self run your life?

This is where profound transformation begins. As a trainee integrative psychotherapist and holistic life coach, I specialise in helping high achievers heal the childhood wounds that drive their exhausting workaholism. Together, we'll gently retire your inner child from their Director position and help your adult self take the lead - creating success that nourishes rather than depletes you.

Book your free introductory call with me today and discover what true achievement feels like when it comes from wholeness, not childhood wounds. 

Your 10-year-old self got you this far. Let's see where your healed, integrated adult self can take you.